*Maybe you think you know everything about wedding etiquette, but I guarantee that there are many offenses that guests don't realize they're committing when they attend friends' and family members' nuptials.There's really not a dearth of worst social crimes a wedding guest can commit. But whilst they can be annoying-these kinds of guests do give us plenty of fodder for gossip later. Will our Indian weddings be as much fun without them? No!*
“They drink, the eat, they fart and leave. And we pay the bill” (an English Translation of what my Grandad said in Telegu)
Disclaimer: Despite everything, “I love Indian weddings.”
The Lazy Bones
The kind who asks if you need help seconds after you've finished doing everything: Usually a female member of the extended family, this aunty always gives the impression of being a hands-on type. But, don't be fooled by her words. She will only offer to help you with the food, the decor or anything else when she knows that there is nothing left to be done.
I have never entertained non-workers in my life!~
I have never felt comfortable around lazy people. Perhaps that's mostly because of the people that constitute my environment! They are all hard workers. And when I find myself amongst people who merely laze around... duh!
I just came from my cousin's wedding ceremony-How can people be so unaware of the wedding rituals and tasks to be carried out? They just seem to be plunged in their own little world! Do you deem it possible that you have to beg people to help out in petty things? How much does it costs for you to go pick those buckets of curry? How much does it steal from your filthy arm power to volunteer for some tasks!? Aaarrgghh..
I dunno, I feel myself always doing more than the others when it comes to helping out. It bugs me to keep on working and seeing the others laying around. When you are trying to get some work done, others want to groove on the dance floor- and that even to ultra-mainstream tracks that have been ringing in our ears since I was born. People, do you seriously never get bored by those Bhai Abhou, L'escalier, Tousse sali-etc.. Nonsense songs! Vulgar creole songs- I'm not racist here- but those lyrics are damn perverted and make no sense!
I think that Mauritians still bear those songs because of their lack of innovation in the dance department. Those stupid dance steps really meant for amateurs! Where do all those sexy Punjabi Songs go to? Do we only have Westerns songs in compiled in disks now! And DJing is seriously something that I have never enjoyed- they keep playing the same song for as long as 6 minutes! And worst, they put those clubbing instrumental music- What the hell?! :/
I can't get it. Perhaps I'm the one whose the social misfit! Perhaps that my culture and upbringing is way more different than theirs- but they, They should really grow up!
Wow! That was hell! :O
Wifi Zone
When everybody is having fun around and you are trying to figure out the exact moment when the food is going to be served and whilst singing along with the Karaoke singer and your age peers are like: Their nose are "SNOUTing at those filthy screens! Actually, if it were up to me, everyone would leave his or her smartphone at home when attending a wedding. From guest snapping photos during the ceremony instead of paying attention to the moment, to posting photos of the bride and groom on social media without asking, guests tend to use smart phones in ways that are disruptive and rude. If you can't part with your technology, at the very least turn the ringer off for the ceremony! Malevolent Man!
Post Dinner Male Toilet Cubicles
Aaarrgghhh- Please, that's really the last thing that you should pass by. The cubicles reek more than those disgusting Public Toilets then-( worst than La Gare du Nord people!) And when there's no toilets, it's interesting to have a visit out of the decorated area to see boys of 19 puking their guts out or peeing against the walls. Not to mention the God-Knows-what-kind-of-fantasy some of them go through to pen their fantasies' names with toothpaste on the bathroom mirror. Gimme a break. This is someone else's house, so even if you think that vandalism makes you macho, keep your dirty paws to yourself Kid! Besides that, weddings are celebrations and many take place on a Friday or Saturday evening so no one is inclined to leave early. But this also gives leeway to imbibing a bit too much. Don't get sloshed and try to drive home. The bridal party doesn't want to manage your lack of management -- they want to stay and enjoy the fun! Guys, the ladkiwalas and ladkawalas are there to enjoy the big day, not to worry about whether their sloshed guests return home safely or not.
The Dance Floor Audience
This one's the best. You'll find all the old hags assembled and commenting on the moves of the other old hags literally grinding against some non-husband man. Making side comments during speeches. One of the most annoying thing guests do is not pay attention while speeches are being made and continue to chatter, making it difficult for those that care to listen. When it is speech time: HUSH! Yes, that also means keeping your whispered comments and commentary to yourself until after the speeches have ended.
The Children
Keep off wedding ceremonies babies. We are not here to hear you rant or cry like somebody snatch your epiglottis from you! And another small detail, saris are not meant to hang yourselves on and pulling someone's hair is the height of ill-mannerism!
The bird-watchers
This kind of guest is probably the most common in Indian weddings. They come, they check out girls, they eat, drink and just leave. You'll hardly see them with the bride and groom and keep wondering whose guests they really were. I swear, these are people that should be banished from Earth! Frauders!
Grab décor
Table decorations belong to the rental company that provided them unless otherwise indicated. Guests that walk away with decorative votives or pretty napkin rings don't realize that the bride and groom will be charged for these items when the total count is not returned. The napkin thief: This guest has a weakness for those standard white napkins available at every Indian wedding. He/ she doesn't give a damn about the fact that the host would have to pay the caterers later.
IRRATIONAL FOODIE
This guy can be spotted polishing off all the delicious snacks that waiters are busy taking around. They even assign a waiter to bring them all the goodies from the kitchen before anyone else gets a chance. And, no, they don't stop with hogging on snacks alone...you'll wonder if they were on a hunger strike earlier once you look at their dinner plates.
The over-dressed
Dressed in red, with all the jewellery one can possibly own, you'd assume this guest is a close relative of either the groom or the bride. But, on further digging, you'd realise that she is the bride's father's friend's cousin's niece! ( +Chesika Maulloo ;) )
The Matchmakers!
*Gulps*
People should really stop doing that! It's irritating! What is it? A "Choosing my future wedding Invite Playground" You think it's hot to go around asking details on all the girls and boys in the wedding so that you can fix a marriage with your sister's cousin's dad's nephew?! Old Aunties- keep yourself to yourself and Shoo! :S