When you
love someone, you grant them total freedom to be who they are, for this is the
greatest gift you could give them, and love always gives the greatest gift. And
that is only what he’s doing. But why am I feeling bad about it?! I was
expecting things. Sure I was. I can’t lie to you Abhi. I wanted you to say
things I wanted to hear. But that’s not the way things work right?!
Talking
to him became a drug long back. I knew this 5 months ago. I always knew this. I
know this still today. I knew that I had to stop back then even. But I didn’t.
I wanted to venture in waters I never felt comfortable in and longed to dive
into. But this time I think I did take a deep dive!
I have
to return back. That’s all I know. I felt aghast when he laid the Ego Game
before me. He didn’t use to do that! He
just started to do it!
That’s
guys I guess, pulling out the wrong cards at the wrong times!
Pfftt..
Why can’t they just say things spontaneously?!
Were it
to keep things in check, I had understood- but here it’s more like he’s going
to get hurt as soon as he admits things!
Why
would not he? I would have turned my back in any case had he said anything I
wanted to hear! Yes I’m bad. I want people to love me-but I feel scared to give
the love back.
But this
time, I did give love back-loads of it even! All I got is the freedom, respect
and space. Sure- this is everything any young independent lady would want. But
I was hoping for more. I had expectations. I tried to halt them. But they
overtook me and overpowered me.
So I had
to be honest. Honesty is the highest form of love after all, be it to oneself
or to another.. I told him that talking to him was a drug!
AND
guess the response to that-“It was not for me btw!”
Well,
somewhere, in my chest cavity lies which pump that says- he’ll come back and
say-“Talking to you can’t be a drug. You’re not a drug. A drug is a bad habit.
You’re the best habit I have!”