The following is a Guest Post and may not be in line with the philosophy of Our Alter Ego. I just wanted to give people the opportunity I always thirsted for but never got, which is a platform for expression. I hope you appreciate the endeavours.
When people talk of ill-loved children, they usually mean those who are loved too little or not at all, rarely those who are loved too much. It may be good news that adults now take an active interest in their children, but even so, the kind of relationship that is developing still deserves some attention. In many cases, children have become a new kind of God, sacred and untouchable beings, so precious that they must be preserved at all costs from life's ups and downs.
Be Light,
Much Love,
Iam Aehr.
. . .
When people talk of ill-loved children, they usually mean those who are loved too little or not at all, rarely those who are loved too much. It may be good news that adults now take an active interest in their children, but even so, the kind of relationship that is developing still deserves some attention. In many cases, children have become a new kind of God, sacred and untouchable beings, so precious that they must be preserved at all costs from life's ups and downs.
Taking the child into account comes to mean making him/her the center of the parents' lives. Many couples say, with the best will in the world, that their child means everything to them; when according to me the situation should be the other way round. It is their jobs to serve as guides and mentors to their children.
Children, at least those who are wanted, often end up serving as alter egos for their parents. They fill a gap. They are the couples' greatest success. Who can say no to a little God? Nothing can be refused to a child who has been granted divine status. The parents will make sacrifices rather than see their child's whims frustrated. Some will change jobs, move house or even divorce, all supposedly for the good of their child. In return, of course, the infant is expected to repay in the course of time the great expectations invested in it. Such a relationship in which the parents are at the child's beck and call, can be parasitical, concealing the parents’ own neuroses.
You can see the childhood cult in operation in our cities, near schools or buses, at the supermarket, in public gardens or restaurants. Its excuse never varies. It goes under the name of 'protecting the child', but might just as well be called stifling the child's initiative and encouraging laziness. The parents' behaviour rests on two presumptions whose consequences are questionable at best. One is that human beings should suffer the least possible discomfort if they are to grow up harmoniously. The other is that the child's real needs correspond to its expressed wishes, at least so far as these accord with the parents' own view of things. This indeed presupposes that children have no sooner come into the world than they instinctively know what is good for them.
The adult's role is to help the children become adults. This is best done by teaching them to confront reality, not to escape from it. When wee-meaning parents try to screen their children from the outside world, they prevent them from experiencing real life and so, rob them of the chance to map its ways. Although it is necessary to talk to children, the 'infinite' patience some parents show in providing endless explanations and humouring even the most immature utterances can actually harm their offsprings. It takes away their ability to see reality in all its dimensions, leading them to believe that life will always treat them kindly even when they are wrong.
Overprotection can also deprive children of a knowledge of the feel of things, giving them instead a cerebral understanding of life. It is one thing to know that certain things sting, but quite another to have actually touched them and been stung. Children of their own search for barriers and limits, which teach them just how far they can go. If they do not find them, the dissatisfaction caused by their absence will ultimately provoke a reaction..