I do not wish to stay here. I want to travel, go to some foreign land, disappear for all the people I currently know.
I wonder why I have been limiting myself to the option of staying here. Why?
As a matter of fact, I remember upholding the idea because I wanted to rebel against the fact that people have no sense of patriotism or preferred to champion other nations rather than our own.
But then, time has taught me that there is no freedom in rebellion.
That by trying to rebel we are- I am after all letting myself be the victim of the situation.
The better alternative is: Be the free flyer rather than the rebel. Don't even let those thinking something in a way you may or may not accept to even have the opportunity to mould you.
Why should I try to be something just to prove others wrong? Well, that's what I have been doing. I'm bad, I know. Tremendously wrong in my motivations. I have made ill feelings foster my decisions, my choices.
I remember last year, when my parents urged my teacher to counsel me into choosing the subjects they held as the most appropriate, the teacher queried about my plans of study and even before I was able to inform him of my establishment back to the country if I even ever get the opportunity to study abroad, he blurted out: "You can't leave your old parents to stay here alone. Do whatever you want, you'll have to come back to the country."
And in that instant, I felt rebellious. Again.
I then wanted to do the exact opposite but then quietly settled for the first option itself. After all why not? I was even ready to study subjects I had no particular interest in for the coming two years..so that was truly nothing.
But now that I'm sitting in the car, pondering on how people I know, people I have hugged have hit their destinies to places I dream of going to, I realise I may be making a grave mistake. The mistake of playing the safe card, the mistake of trying to rebel to prove others wrong, the mistake of choosing things I know I'm a total misfit in.
The mistake of being still for others no matter how much I say I rebel.
Because after all, a rebel is someone who is in the clutches of a situation.
Being a rebel does not dissolve those tentacles, it only wring them taught.
What is definitely the correct approach is to just get put off the situation.
But that requires enterprising and courage and support.
Let's remove the 'But's.
This requires, aspiration, courage and immense independence.
The real question is not if I'm ready to take it.
It rather is if I should take?