I call my down moments/feelings The Feels.
I've been told they are normal at the age of 16. But is it, really? I remember
every single day when I had The Feels, the reason I had them and how I battled
against them or let them crush me down. Yes, I let them overtake me. Sometimes,
there’s nothing that can be done. I heard that they have a long term effect:
they make you a strong, no nonsense adult.
Although I've felt them almost every day of
the year I turned 16, I've been able to tackle them just a couple of times. At
first, it proved me so weak that I started comparing myself with the people I
consider OP (you might hear more of OP’s in the future). And that made me feel
no better. I still do that but now I know how to do it in a proper way. For
example, instead of point out my weakness compared to them, I consider my
superiority as compared to them. This works amazingly well! But it is still a
very bad idea. I reckon I start running out of ideas to make myself feel better
once I fall in the pit I dug for myself.
Moving on to the description of The Feels, they
are stressful. My veins would dilate and my heart beat the shit out of itself.
My sweat glands are activated. Any thought that happens to pass through my mind
is a negative one. I lie on the cold floor of my room and stare at the blank
white roof with tears all over my face.
How I dealt with it:
I've talked about it to a very experienced
friend and one of the wisest and nicest people I know. She was my confider. I
needed one. Anyone having The Feels needs one. I chose her. She talked to me
over and over. She did lose patience sometimes. I am stubborn, since birth. It
runs in the blood. She would ask me to stop whatever I was doing and flush the
thoughts and feelings out, get sleep, do something I like, try to be more
positive because she wasn't able to talk to negative people. She would reassure
me that it was normal at my age. I couldn't get rid of it until I wanted to.
A week prior to the form 5 end of year
exams, I broke down. A terrible week I had! That was the time when I was
supposed to stay strong and believe in myself, I was going nuts. I did pick
myself up in the end. I hope The Feels have not affected my answers in any way.
I am way better now. I can deal with it at
any time. It doesn't mean that they don’t come back. They do. Every day. I am
good enough to stop them. I don’t compare myself anymore to other people. I
know I am awesome! According to me, there’s no one who can deal with things the way I
do.
We are our own pit guys. If ever one lands
in there, they need to build/find a ladder to get out.
Experienced person you know who you are and
I would love to thank you for being The Person I needed then.