We all want love. We are hard-wired to want it. From the moment we leave the womb and enter the world, we are kicking and screaming for love and care. Babies demand love, and mothers are programmed to provide it unconditionally. In most healthy families, love is offered to children unconditionally by their parents. And if we’re fortunate, our parents continue to offer this love even as we become adults ourselves — whether or not we deserve it! Parental love is one thing, but what makes us deserving of love from other people? What qualities make us lovable? Here’s what I’ve learned over the years about lovability:
1. Being Light
I believe that developing a positive mental attitude and letting it be seen and felt by others is a something that makes one lovable to others. It’s often easier to give into cynicism, but those who choose to be positive set themselves up for success and have better reputations.
2. Being kind
Just be kind to people. Buddhists have a meditation called “loving kindness” to develop selfless and altruistic love. Show loving kindness to all people, regardless of their station in life or behavior toward you. In this hurried, self-centered world, show kindness to everyone you encounter, the check-out lady at the grocery store, the fussy child on the airplane, the guy who flips you off on the highway. Develop a habit of kindness and make it part of who you are. A kind person is hard not to love!
3. Being carefully disciplined and friendly
They pay close attention to someone speaking to them. Using a conversation as an opportunity to lecture someone may feed the ego, but it never attracts people or makes friends. Listening a key to making someone respect you. Especially when it is genuine and invested. They act as if the person they are speaking to is the most important person in the world. The most likable people use conversations as an opportunity to learn about another person and give them time to talk. They keep an open mind and do not resort to judgments. Those who close themselves off from certain ideas and associate only with like-minded people are missing out on not only personal growth but also opportunities for spreading love, communion, and compassion.
They show a keen interest in wanting to know you and helping you out. They praise others in a genuine way without being excessive. These are the most lovable people.
4. Being in Love with Themselves
I have learned that just like we can’t pour coffee out of an empty cup, you can’t give love to others when you don’t love yourself. It is very hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. It is very hard to receive love openly and completely if you don’t believe you are worthy of it. One of the rules of the universe is that you receive what you give. Remember that.
5. Being Affectionate
The power of loving touch is astounding. When you offer someone a hand, a hug, a friendly squeeze, you are jumping into their space and pulling them into yours. You are inviting a connection. There are some who aren’t so comfortable with lots of affection, but even so, a small amount of touch communicates volumes about who you are and your willingness to reach out.
Making yourself open to other people, learning to be vulnerable, and validating yourself rather than seeking validation are all key components to drawing the love of other people. This is not something that's going to happen overnight, but the more you practice accepting and loving yourself and loving other people, the more people are likely to love you!
This one is solely my perspective. I posted the same question on my social media, and I received diverse responses. What do you think? What makes a person lovable according to you?
Until next time,
Much love,
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