Workplace Harassment

Roselyn:
I always talk super professionally and formally and attempt to keep every relationship with a person who is meant to be strictly be kept at bay for obvious reasons. There's a colleague at work though who doesn't seem to understand that he has to change the way he talks to me or behave according to ethics. He is in his late twenties and is extremely creepy.

Creepy because I do not like anyone telling me things on how attractive I am physically.

Creepy because I do not like every Tom, Dick or Harry that pops up to call me 'dear'.

Creepy because he questions me about things I do not want and do not have to answer.

Marguerite:
Maybe 'dear' is a way of addressing to everyone. Like what things?

Can you try to be distant from him?

Not talk to him at all. Or be far from him. And certainly never be alone with him anywhere?

Roselyn:
According to professional rules, I did not give him my phone number despite we have some project work. Eventually, I had to for the purpose of an event coordination.

Quite obviously I'll talk to people I am interested in talking to and avoid those I don't feel comfortable with. On that office event, I had invited my best buddy. 

Now, I get back home.

And finally, check my mobile phone for that day and find these messages:

"Hey! Talk to me a bit too."

"Who is that, your boyfriend?"

The sexual harasser sent those same messages more than thrice during the day.

I ignored it although I was scared.

I didn't reply back anything.

Then around 8 pm that day, he calls.

I didn't pick up.

A few minutes after, my boss called.

I picked up.

He told me that he really appreciated my work and contribution. He told me that they were at Grand Baie celebrating the event's success.  guessed that the sexual harasser guy must have been there too. 

And he must have found out that I picked the boss' call and not his in 2 minutes time interval.

So I called back.

I felt trapped.

Marguerite 

You called him back?

To say what?

Roselyn:

I had to call for diplomacy sake.

Marguerite:

No, Roselyn, he was creeping you out. 

You can't repeat the same message to the same person thrice in one day and expect that to be a normal behaviour. 

This is serious. 

Roselyn:

He had called to ask how the event was for me. Then with great audacity he asked me about my friend and if the latter and I were in a relationship. Who in his right mind asks you such questions? I didn't like him asking that question.

Marguerite: 

Is he married or something?

Roselyn: 
I don't know! I don't know anything about him, don't want to know.

He then confirmed he was at Grand Baie too.

And then we have to discuss January's calendar of activities.

I told him, I might be busy with other projects. He asks why. I felt more disgusted. Nobody except for personal friends or my boss is allowed to ask me such questions. He was nothing more than just a staff member like I was. I replied curtly that I'm taking up work elsewhere too; he asks where. I was more than pissed off there. I felt my privacy and personal space being invaded and I was not even asked permission for that. I was trying to end the conversation as soon as possible. 

He sent a facebook message from there on, 1 week later. I didn't reply. He messaged again during this weekend, of course, wanting to talk about his project. I just ignored it.

He messaged last night asking if I'm angry with him. Listen, dude, you are not even a friend of mine for me to get angry at you, and you please don't use my phone number to send stupidities except for work.

I felt so, so impure.

I don't know anything about him. I don't like him. He's not good-looking either, in the sense that he looks like a living pervert. Am I wrong for not being to say it out clearly that I don't want him around me all the time and in ways that I surely do not find entertaining? We live in a society where such an 'offence' of mine could be seen as me being the 'arrogant' woman too proud of herself.

Marguerite:

No, you don't need to feel that way. You have done nothing bad. You have made the most to keep him away, but he keeps coming towards you. 

Don't answer him.

Roselyn:

My morning was too spoilt by reading his message.

See, I have my teachers calling me dear and other close guy friends. But he- he is a stranger. Why can't he get that?

Marguerite:

Don't mind that. Just don't think about the message. Some people just don't know about boundaries, there's that too. 

You don't have to feel impure. 

You feel impure when you have a hand in attracting them. 

It's just the way I feel. I want to run away and go far away from them.

But you don't, you've always pushed them back, 

I think that women are made to feel bad for both attracting men and not attracting men even.

Then you can build a world of your own. With your own principles and values. 

I know. I know and understand this situation is temporary. But I am only seeing this conversation as an opportunity to really figure out why is it that I feel that way.

I need to decipher this.

No, women shouldn't feel bad about not attracting men. The purpose is not to be attractive. The purpose is to be that one treasure which is hidden, but which can only be uncovered by that right person. 

Maybe you have trained that feeling into you. 

It is wrong. 

You are not an object.

You are a treasure.