The following is a Guest Post and may not be in line with the philosophy of Our Alter Ego. I just wanted to give people the opportunity I always thirsted for but never got, which is a platform for expression. I hope you appreciate the endeavours.
Be Light,
Much Love,
Iam Aehr.
. . .
I am feeling quite nostalgic lately. At first, I was looking for the reason I was being so moody one minute, then happy and without a care in the world the next one. I am nearly nineteen and a half years old. By now, I should have become a tough, independent woman, as most of you might have expected. Heck, even I had expected myself to grow up much more quickly emotionally speaking.
Thing is, I tend to take things much more to heart than many other people. While what someone might say to you something good or something bad might evaporate from your memory as quickly as it entered it, I feel like I am a whole lot different. Good different or bad different, I honestly don't have a clue about that. And gosh, how I wish that sometimes, just sometimes, some things could just be gone from my memory. Gah!
I have a real knack (note sarcasm right here) of just replaying things in my head a THOUSAND times. My friends often tell me "How the heck can you remember so many details about so many things?" or "That happened AGES ago! How can you remember the exact location of that particular event or the exact same wordings that particular person used then?!"
Yeah, I know, it might seem downright weird or bizarre you put a name on it! But no. I know I am not the only one with such a mind. I know that there are so many other people who feel things- however little they might be very deeply. Just like me.
It's really beginning to dawn on me that I will be off to uni in about two and a half months, God willing. It seems quite far away to some of you. But to me, it feels like tomorrow. Especially when I catch myself thinking about "new beginnings" late at night. It's funny how you can think of a million things when you are supposed to be sleeping, huh?
Don't get me wrong here! I am so so so so so thankful to have secured a seat at the university I have been dreaming of since a while now. I am elated to go there, because I know that I have someone I can always count on with me by my side there. For some of you people who know me, you know of whom I am talking about haha.
Still, I am dead scared of closing one chapter of my life, a whole chapter I spent so many years on, and moving on to the next unknown one awaiting me. Heck, most of the time, I try to just push those insecurities at the back of my head. But then, I suppose we've ALL got some pretty vulnerable moments, when you just can't hold back the tears anymore. And BOOM!
THE WATERWORKS START!
I believe that what makes it so darn difficult to let go are the memories. Such a small wordeight little letters can have such a huge impact on us. Take that from the girl who was anxious of getting her mobile phone checked for viruses simpy because she was scared of losing all her photos in her gallery. Yes! THIS is how important memories are to me. (And oh! Don't worry, I happened to transfer all of my photos to my computer just in case, and my mobile phone is now free from viruses)
One of my deepest fears, I guess, is that when I get back, things are not going to be the same- with my family, friends and loved ones. And this scares the crap out of me. Again, I know that I am not the only one harbouring those fears. It might seem petty to some, but to others, it will feel like I am taking the words right out of their mouths.
Another fear of mine is that I will definitely come across some obstacles, now that I have set foot in the adult world. I will have my own battles to fight. Will I be strong enough? Ready enough? ...I don't know. I can only hope so.
During the past few years, I have learnt that things change. Whether you like it or not, they do change. This is the balance of life I guess. I have also learnt that those people you might interact with every day might not be here always. The things you assume will forever stay the same might not. The joy of today might be the pain of tomorrow, or vice versa. The "vice versa" part seems much less gloomy, doesn't it? *wink*
Someone I love from the bottom of my heart told me not so long ago:
" ...Life is a journey. It's difficult to leave the path we know we are secure in for another. But one day or another, we have to go and venture into the big bad world. But you'll always have some people backing you..."
It has been three days since these words have been spinning round and round in my head.
Remember when I told you that I don't forget things quickly? You've got living proof here.*smiles*
These few made me think for hours on end.
And you know what? I feel much better when I think of new beginnings this way:
Things may or may not change; I am strong enough to make them change for the best.
People may or may not leave; The right ones will always stay.
It's okay to be scared; But it is NOT okay to let your fears take away your dreams.
It is crazy how I can say so much about my deepest inner fears behind a screen, isn't it? Ahh if only you could see my weird facial expressions right now!
So yes, I still am scared when I think of the future ahead of me. Of course, this is because my past has been safe. It's always difficult to let go. But then, that's not what I am going to do. Letting go means letting all these things go away. And I'm not going to do that. Instead, I will forever cherish those beautiful memories.
If memories are to be cherished, then that is EXACTLY what I am going to do.
But there is one more thing I am hellbent on doing:
"Not waiting for the perfect moment, but rather, taking the moment and making it perfect."
When I want to laugh, I will. And I do.
When I want to bawl my eyes out, I will. And I do.
When I want to tell the people I love how much they mean to me, I will. And I do.
I don't want to have any regrets whatsoever. If memories are to be cherished, I want to look back at those golden memories in a few years' time and be happy that they happened.
It will be okay.
It will be all right.
It will be completely fine.
So let's take this one step at a time, shall we?
Again, thank you Rhea, for letting me pen down and share a piece of my mind :) By now, you already know that I believe your blog is great haha :*
Tons of love xxxx
Shammah.F.Khadaroo