HOW TO TURN SMALL TALK INTO SMART CONVERSATION?
Imagine almost any situation where two or more people are
gathered—a wedding reception, a job interview, two off-duty cops hanging out in
a Jacuzzi.
What do these situations have in common? Almost all of them
involve people trying to talk with each other. But in these very moments where
a conversation would enhance an encounter, we often fall short. We can’t think
of a thing to say.
Ask for stories, not answers
One way to get beyond small talk is to ask open-ended
questions. Aim for questions that invite people to tell stories, rather than
give bland, one-word answers.
Instead of
Try
“How are you?”
“How was your day?”
“Where are you from?”
“What do you do?”
“What line of work are you in?”
“What’s your name?”
“How was your weekend?”
“What’s up?”
“Would you like some wine?”
“How long have you been living here?”
“What’s
your story?”
Break the mirror
When small talk stalls out,
it’s often due to a phenomenon we call “mirroring.” In our attempts to be
polite, we often answer people’s questions directly, repeat their observations,
or just blandly agree with whatever they say. Leapfrog over the expected response!
HOW TO TURN SMALL TALK INTO SMART CONVERSATION?
Imagine almost any situation where two or more people are gathered—a wedding reception, a job interview, two off-duty cops hanging out in a Jacuzzi.Ask for stories, not answers
Instead of
|
Try
|
“How are you?”
“How was your day?”
“Where are you from?”
“What do you do?”
“What line of work are you in?”
“What’s your name?”
“How was your weekend?”
“What’s up?”
“Would you like some wine?”
“How long have you been living here?”
|
“What’s
your story?”
“What did
you do today?”
“What’s
the strangest thing about where you grew up?”
“What’s
the most interesting thing that happened at work today?”
“How’d
you end up in your line of work?”
“What
does your name mean? What would you like it to mean?”
“What was
the best part of your weekend?”
“What are
you looking forward to this week?”
“Who do
you think is the luckiest person in this room?”
“What
does this house remind you of?”
“If
you could teleport by blinking your eyes, where would you go right now?”
|
Break the mirror
Mirrored example
|
Non-mirrored
example
|
James: It’s
a beautiful day!
John: Yes,
it is a beautiful day!
See?
By mirroring
James’s opinion and language, John has followed the social norm, but he’s
also paralyzed the discussion and missed a moment of fun. Instead, John needs
to practice the art of disruption and move the dialogue forward:
|
James: It’s
a beautiful day!
John: They
say that the weather was just like this when the Japanese bombed Pearl
Harbor. If that actually happened.
See?
Now James
and John are talking! Be provocative. Absurdity is underrated.
|
An even better
way to break the boring-conversation mirror is to skip over the expected
response, and go somewhere next-level:
Instead of
|
Try
|
Ron: How was
your flight?
Carlos: My
flight was good!
Beverly:
It’s hot today.
Gino: Yeah,
it sure is hot.
Riz: What’s
up?
Keil: Hey,
what’s up?
|
Ron: How was
your flight?
Carlos: I’d
be more intrigued by an airline where your ticket price was based on your
body weight and IQ.
Beverly:
It’s hot today.
Gino: In
this dimension, yes.
Riz: What’s
up?
Keil:
Washing your chicken just splatters the bacteria everywhere.
Go ahead, be
bold. Upend the dinner table conversation! Turn small talk into big ideas at
the next summer wedding reception you’re forced to attend! You never know
which ideas will be worth spreading next.
|
Hopefully
these tips are going to transform your conversation and help you during your
daily interactions! Especially if you truly either look to bond with someone or
simply exude a great personality!
Until next
time,
Much Love,
Iam Aehr!
Xoxo, :)