Removing Toxic People from Your Life

Disclaimer: This article isn't intended to reprimand or paint toxic people in a negative light. Toxic people are usually in a place in their life where they are not open to constructive feedback or changing, so they are stuck in their current situation and don’t have the insight to see beyond their own struggles. And that’s okay. This article is meant to advocate for you so you don’t allow their negativity to impact your life.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain

Who is a toxic person?

Someone who: 

1. complains and dumps their problems on you. 
2. doesn’t do anything to change their situation. 
3. is not supportive. 
4. makes you feel bad. 
5. shoots down your bright ideas, big goals, or bold (and risky) decisions that you need to make in order to be successful.

I often talk to myself about the toxic people I deal with and how it all wreaks havoc on my peace of mind, personal space, and overall emotional wellness. Often, the thoughts go like: “She’s my mother so I don’t have a choice…”, “He’s really a good person otherwise…”, “I know with patience I can change her…”.

At this point, I’m ready to put my hands on my own shoulders and give myself a not-so-gentle shake! H.o.n.e.s.t.l.y.! Why do we allow others to steal our sense of self and cause chaos in our lives? It’s time for that foolishness to stop right now. We all deserve better from the people around us.

Why is it urgent to kick such people out of our lives? Simply because, Negativity Is Contagious!

By allowing ourselves to be subjected to unhealthy relationships, we are inviting unnecessary stress, fear, guilt, self-doubt, and sadness to take up permanent residence in our lives. When you purposefully remove toxic relationships and toxic people from your life, you take back control of your emotional happiness and prevent stressful relationships from affecting you physically. Stress and worry affect your sleep quality, blood pressure, and total body health. In other words, toxic people can make you sick. You deserve to surround yourself with people who accept you unconditionally, support your plans, encourage your dreams, and make you feel happier simply by being around with them. Don’t wait another day – your moments are valuable. Make them count.

How to Detox Someone Out of Your Life?

'Detox' has become a fad word lately. Do a few shakes, stay off the booze, stop processed food, have a few green juices and you feel brand new.

This may come as a surprise, but toxins aren't just found in air pollution or your poor food and drink choices. To really feel that desired sense of relief, clarity and glow, you have to look at all parts of your life. You must evaluate what is toxic specifically to you and cleanse out what doesn't work. You have to not only look at what you are eating, but what (or who) is eating you.

The first step is to recognize if a person is not good for you, or if you need to change something within yourself to deal with the person.

Here are some examples of toxic people, shared by peers and patients:

1) That ex-partner or lover that you obsess over. A love interest that pays you no attention. You can't move forward, yet you can't be with the person.

2) A "friend" that you always feel drained after spending time with and almost need therapy just to recover from.

3) Any person in your life that is hyper-critical, judgmental or abusive. The naysayers, people who tell you all the reasons you can't rather than the reasons you can.

4) Anyone that, when you take a step back to assess, you dread speaking to or meeting up with for any reason.

5) A person that spreads rumors and gossip behind your back but is nice to your face.

6) An employee, business partner or client that brings negativity and stress to you and your work on a regular basis.

7) A family member who is an energy leech, puts you down constantly or is generally toxic. (This one is tricky, but do your best and apply tight boundaries with tough love if nothing else!)

 Just like with any cleanse program, you need to know yourself. Are you a "cold turkey" person, or do you need a gradual process? If you are the cold turkey type, you press delete and that's it. History. If you are a gradual process person, you need a cleanse action plan in place.

In this modern world of technology there are hundreds of ways to stay connected, even when you don't want to be. If you don't have self-discipline these days, you have the plight shared by a friend recently, "I now have 15 ways to be haunted by this person every minute of the day."

If you focus on something it grows, so the key is take your focus off of it.

Tips to get you started to cleanse a toxic person out of your life. Apply the ones that are relevant to your specific situation:

1) Don't talk to the person. If this is not possible permanently, do it for a set amount of time and figure out plan to lessen your contact with this person on a long term basis.

2) Don't look at the person's Facebook page or anything related to the person on Facebook. Turn their notifications off in your Newsfeed. If you don't trust yourself to do this, delete the person from Facebook.

3) Don't talk about the person. You are trying to set a new pattern. If this is too difficult and you need some support, talk to only one trusted friend or therapist.

4) Avoid places frequented by this person. Avoid places that you make you nostalgic about the person. Avoid any toxic environment period.

5) Avoid all social medial platforms updated by the person. If you can't resist checking this person's updates, stop following them all together.

6) Don't listen to music that reminds you of the person. Music triggers memories and makes them more real in the present moment. This is a good time to create new music playlists.

7) Say yes to new people and new situations to refocus your mind in a different direction. Make new friends and find new people to work with.

8) Avoid reading old emails and texts from this person. If you can't resist doing so, press delete. This applies to photographs too. Fill the void and new found time with things that are good for you. 

9) Remove yourself physically from your routine for a day, weekend, or week based on your schedule, to reset in a new environment. Insert a new perspective to your life and ease the cleansing process.

10) Exercise and eat well. Sweat, movement and a good diet helps move the old toxins out of your body and mind.

11) Surround yourself with people and places that love and uplift you.

The next time you feel you need to "detox," consider looking at more than just your diet and remove toxic people from your life as well.

OR

Be honest and say, "Hey I don't like your negativity all the time. I can't hang around with you anymore if you continue to act like this."