Relation-SHIPS Sink

Relationships are the most important experiences of our lives. Without it, we are nothing.
Literally.

That is because, in the absence of anything else, we are not.
In the absence of that which you are not, that which you are is not.I have a relationship with myself, with my family, with my environment, with my work. Divinely, I have a relationship with each of you... :)

Unfortunately, it took me much time to realize that. I've always been brought up as somebody who ought to tend to independence. Reaching this pinnacle of independence for me has long resided as the prime motive of my life..And in this wave, I got swept away to the flow of individualism for quite a long time. 
I remember shunning myself from society. Closing myself to people-even the closest ones.

It used to be dark. I remember not being able to find myself. I remember trying to seek help. I remember that awful summer afternoon in the bus weeping. I remember feeling let down. I remember feeling deceived, ignored and seen as easily "ejectable". Things had started to collapse and back then it was the defense mechanism that triggered. I decided to shut myself to the cause of all the trouble.

And thus, I had abandoned society, ideologies, friends, family.... All that I was keen to nourish was my own self. And yes, That was the instance it dawned on me how relishing being selfish could prove to be.
I was rude. I was sarcastic. I was repugnant. And for goodness sake, I was unfriendly. What was important for me was to repair things and to live only for myself.
That was it. All I knew was that ONLY I mattered, nothing else did. Nothing.

Today, when I stand here thinking about all that-it sure, seems damn stupid. Why would I have done that? Sure, today I cannot imagine myself not talking to people. I never actually imagined myself in a closed box, the circumstances had pushed me into one-one where I was perhaps desperately begging for some oxygen!

But I'm glad that's it all over and I don't regret having gone through that for I love the person I AM today. I got to re-unite with Aehr, and that was the SEXIEST thing ever.....

Actually, this "dark phase" as so many would call it was more of this Sun Drenching Experience for me. I've been considering myself an Atheist, a Bisexual, a Feminist, a future Politician..basically I proclaimed myself as the master of my "destiny". I still do today, but I'm grateful now as compared to those times. I accept that I should respect people. I do understand that I'm not blaming anyone anymore. Through this renunciation process, I found a haven. But despite working towards re-integrating myself into society, I'm still firmly convinced that I'll end up somewhere in India as an Ascetic :P

Let's get to the less general version of the plot:

Well well! It has kind of become a ritual for me to committing to singlehood... The reasons have evolved with each growing and shrinking moon...At 13 years old when I integrated the secondary school, having a boyfriend was known to me as something rather compulsory- it was the great law of nature. Or perhaps, I was heavily inflicted by the western culture introduced to me by the daily teenage soaps broadcast on the local Mauritian television.

I admit that I may have ignored my crushes maybe always more than once and I always did it to the boys that I liked the most. In some ways, it’s a defense mechanism to prevent our feelings from getting hurt. If we don’t pay attention to you, you can’t hurt us. This behavior backfires (of course) because we don’t get to know you better and you are inevitably upset at us for being so cold and distant. So whenever you’re annoyed at us for doing this, just think how confused we are.

I have been this 15-year-old girl who gave more importance to other more worthwhile things in life rather than stupid sexual encounters and making new friends. I can be very out going and enthusiastic and even very eccentric at times. But it's just that I used to be very tired and endlessly expressionless.

I live in Mauritius and despite going to an all-girls high school, we take tuition so I mix up with boys and girls of other colleges. 3 months earlier I got to know that people saw me as being "ANTISOCIAL", "ARROGANT"....

I always made sure that I never allow further exchanges by amplifying my "stern" look.. Especially when it came to the opposite sex!

BUT then I talked to my friends- And the solution was simple if you want interactions to make your way. SMILE! 

That is a huge thing- be it to the people who look at you or simply to nobody. I had to, at least, let people know that I can stretch my lips into a smile! In my mind that would make me more approachable and seem amiable, dissolving the barrier that I knew I had created to sound like a person filled with rejection only. Another thing  that worked was talking to your bunch of friends actively and enthusiastically in front of the crowd of people who don't know your true self. That'll startle them and turn into your benefit. It totally works! :)

It did for me. A girl even came up to me saying: '' I always thought that you were arrogant! but you are nothing about that!" Believe it was very awkward to have somebody walk up to and tell you that amidst a crowd :$





This article I'm writing after spending 7 months on Yahoo Answers, replying to several queries in the section "Friends and Relationships".

It was quite startling for me to see the number of teenagers who've been through the same life experiences as me. I always thought that I was the Abnormal One. What was endearing actually, was the fact that the problems I had with the Opposite Sex, Well. Hold it Girls-Guy's had those issues too!

I replied to around 4 14 to 17 years old boys on the "STARING" issue!

So really, This is for all the people who've in some way or the other inspired me to write this down. Especially to that 21 year Old Indian Student..AND the Japanese colleague. xD
It's amazing how the Internet helps you bond with people you barely know. God! <3